When your kids start pushing you as a parent away it hurts. I think it hurts moms more than it does  dads–because for the most part dads are tough he-men kind of guys who don’t show or express their feelings. (stereotype–maybe) When a mom is pushed away from her kids that hurts.

It doesn’t hit the gut either, it hurts right in the heart! Teenagers will do everything they can to push us parents away because they are discovering who they are, what life is about. But when your kids start asserting their independence when they are younger,  that comes as a shock to a mom.

My son started pushing me away when he was in second grade. I was driving him to school, and I stopped walking  him into school realizing he didn’t need his mom to do that anymore. But one day when I pulled up in front of the school, leaned over to hug him, saying “Have a good day.” I was met with a slamming car door.

I drove home feeling rejection spreading through my entire body and especially that area where my heart pumps blood through my body. I physically felt pain in my chest. My head was still reeling with this immense feeling of rejection and  I felt like it was kind of spinning with intensity. My son had slammed the car door on me as I was leaning over to hug him!

I realized he didn’t want his mom hugging or kissing him anymore, especially in a public place. And I realized he did not want any of his friends, classmates seeing this hugging of mom from the tough guys at school. Good God! What was I thinking hugging my child in public, where kids could see this and use it against my son to bully an already tall, skinny child  considered a geek!

So I moved on, as much as a hover mom could, allowing my son to walk to school on his own when he was in fourth grade. I let him have his personal space. I let him walk home alone in fifth grade, and worried about him if he was late. I also complained profusely when my ninth grader had to walk half a mile to get the bus in the dark, snow and cold, down a seriously busy street, mind you, but I did it.

I let him have his personal space and tried my best to let my child have his independence. Now it’s happening again with my second child doing everything she can to push mom away. Copyright 2012, written by Kate Johns a professional writer since 2004.

 

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